Perfect Human Specimen.

I recently had a request for more material...from a fan. Okay, a friend...same thing. I think. Anyway...

It has been an interesting few months for me. I enjoyed watching the Lakers choke themselves to an embarrassing death, I have only been to one Dodgers game (I know!), my cat died (RIP), I had a birthday, my boyfriend dumped me and I lost my best friend.

However, all is not lost. I also started at a new firm in a higher position, so my career is on the up.
I have been working with some amazing artists and athletes, I have fantastic summer plans, and my mom is coming this weekend! Nothing like a visit from mom to pick me up after a rough couple of weeks.

I also got the news that one of my old roommates is coming into town over the 4th of July weekend to watch the Seattle Sounders play the Los Angeles Galaxy. I tend to stay away from American soccer, but I will not pass up the chance to go see David Beckham run around before my very eyes. I also get to spend time with a life long friend who does not drink and will therefore drive the rest of us to and from the game safely as we consume copious amounts of beer all day.

David Beckham...the perfect specimen. That body deserving of a marble statue in a courtyard. Those eyes the color of arctic ice. That tan...can't be real. I still can not comprehend why he is married to an alien that has not eaten since the Spice Girls had a hit, which I believe was in 1996. Someone get that girl a double-double!

I would picture Becks to be with someone of true beauty and sex appeal. A woman who is just that: a woman. A woman like Christina Hendricks. She is a real woman. Maybe a goddess. [Insert long pause for thoughts of Christina.] Le sigh...there are some things I will never understand. Men are one of them. They love us, they can't live without us, they can't live with us, and then they leave us for some uneducated bimbo who answers telephones for $10 an hour.

I'm not bitter! Love is just one of the few games that I don't get.

So, back to the locker room. That's where I really belong. Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm wearing clothes!

The Lakers take a beating.

Sometimes I waver with religious my beliefs, however, I think that karma always finds its way in the end. The report of Kobe Bryant exiting the arena after being defeated 104-99 by the worst team in the NBA, the Cleveland Cavaliers, without saying a single word, really made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Like, hey, you aren't the best in the world. At least not anymore. And it looks like your downfall is going to make me feel as your uprising did you.

Note: the Celtics are still killing it. Per usual. Damn the Heat, but #2 ain't bad. For now.

Being a Los Angeles native, I am really supposed to idolize this team as any other wildly retarded Angeleno would. Really. I really should. But I look at Kobe Bryant with so much disdain that I want to close my eyes and visualize Brooklyn Decker in a yellow bikini. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate Kobe as some sort of feminist. I don't look at him [every time] and think, that damn rapist. I really don't.

I look at him and think, that cocky mother f-er has to fall off of his pedestal and realize that he is just another human being at some point in time.

Oh, that time is now. Feels good, don't it?

Goin', goin'. Back, back...

  

                  

The Los Angeles Dodgers announced that they will wear throwback getups for six games this season. You can go vote for your favorite at www.dodgers.com/throwback. 

I went ahead and voted for the 1911 road uniform (pictured top). It looks to be the least metro sexual of them all. The whole frilly B thing and the baby blue really don't do it for me. I know that baseball is sometimes looked at as the wimpiest sport aside from figure skating or curling...I'm still trying to figure out how either of those became known as 'sports.' Regardless, men in tight pants should still have the option to look masculine if they so desire. I based my vote on that assumed desire. Plus pinstripes are super sexy.

The other two outfits are the 1931 road uniform (center) and the 1940 home uniform (bottom). You should not vote for those. Unless you're gay. In that case, you don't fall into my assumed desire category. I totally appreciate your personal choices. I like dudes too.

So, get your ass over to the dodgers site and vote. You have until February 17th. That's coming faster than you think.

So is spring training!

(images courtesy of dodgers.com)

Post-Superbowl blues.

So, football season has come and gone, leaving our Sundays wide open for activities that don't involve staying in pajamas all day, eating greasy food, and drinking beer at 10am. I might get back on the hill and do some canyon hikes, get some sunshine, or maybe I'll just sleep all day. Regardless, I have a few things that take me through basketball season into my favorite time of year: baseball season.

We all saw the atrocity that was the Super Bowl halftime show. Wow. Aside from following some of the greatest acts ever, like Prince, Tom Petty, The Boss, and...Prince, the Black Eyed Peas had their work cut out for them. 150,000 rednecks don't really care about pop songs performed by two black men, a recovering crack addict, and the token asian friend dressed in sparkly space suits. I think Axl Rose cut himself somewhere when Fergie attempted to duplicate his...accent...if you can call it that.

Anyway, let's congratulate the Green Bay Packers on their big win. Supposedly over half of Green Bay went to Lambeau Field to party. Sadly, their stadium can actually fit half of the city. Maybe more than half. Oh, Wisconsin...

Basketball isn't proving to be very exciting this year either. We have Boston leading the Eastern conference (shocker), and the Lakers barely trailing the Spurs in the West. In good news, the Lakers might be on their last leg of championship games knowing that their beloved coach is leaving the team to go swim in his vault of purple and gold coins for all of eternity.

While that is boring me to tears, I find more enjoyment in music. Some of my top songs to get me through the next few weeks are...

1. Everest - Let Go
2. The Decemberists - The Calamity Song
3. We Are Scientists - After Hours
4. Neon Trees - 1983
5. Nicki Minaj - Fly
6. One Republic - All the Right Moves
7. Marina & The Diamonds - Hollywood
8. Adele - Rollin' in the Deep
9. Michael Lowman - In My Own Words
10. LCD Soundsystem - Drunk Girls
11. The Radio Dept. - Heaven's On Fire
12. Lucy Schwartz - Take a Picture
13. In This Moment - Iron Army
14. Blindside - Pitiful
15. Carina Round - Do You

Let those wet your earholes for a few days. You won't be disappointed.

The Steelers know how to party!

(photo courtesy of NYdailynews.com)

So, it's super bowl week and your team just landed in Dallas in preparation for the big game. Training is probably a good idea. Followed by some good rest. Maybe even a quick break to call your wife. 

NAHHHHHHHHHH....

According to Dallas news reporter Gromer Jeffers Jr. (who was also obviously at the strip club), Pittsburgh Steelers players Hinds Ward, Ike Taylor, and some other black and yellow sporting comrades spent their first night in town at a gentleman's club on Northwest Highway in Dallas (I don't really know Dallas, so if you know where they might have been, I would like that piece of knowledge). 

The players spent most of their evening in the VIP, but then moved to the front row for some shows before hopping on the stage themselves! They undress in a room full of men several times a week, so this comes at little surprise to me. Witnesses in the club report that the players were having a killer time and drinking Moet straight from the bottle. 

Holler!

It's going to be awfully difficult to play professional football in front 106 million viewers with a hangover. I'm okay with that.

Antonio Cromartie is a s*%! talking mother f@&%$#r!

(image courtesy of FTRsports.com)

The Jets sure know how to stir up a shit storm, don't they? We've got Braylon Edwards driving around twice as drunk as he's legally entitled. Rex Ryan is off in a corner sucking on innocent women's toes. And Antonio Cromartie is just running his mouth all over the place.

First of all, you guys make a ton of money. Why are you driving around drunk? It's not like you can't afford a cab ride home. Dumbass.

Rex, oh Rex. To each their own.

New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie has had some choice words on his opponents and some union officials over the past couple of weeks. After publicly titling New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady 'an asshole,' amongst other things, he is back at it. This time firing at the heads of NFL and 

the labor union that is supposed to protect the players.

Apparently they need to 'get their damn minds' and 'their shit together.'

Granted, the interviewer did start inquiring about Cromartie's opinion on the labor talks immediately following their embarassing loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday. I think it is safe to say that one wouldn't necessarily convey the right emotion while slamming locker doors during an interview.

While I know Rex Ryan couldn't care less about Cromartie's word vomit problem, we'll see what the league has to say about his commentary.

Super Bowl XLV

So, The Jets choked once again. They just really couldn't pull it together at all. I could have walked away from the game entirely after realizing that the Steelers had possession of the ball for the first nine or ten minutes of the game. By halftime the game was pretty much over. The Jets tried to rally in the second half, but couldn't cut the mustard, ending the game at a 24-19 loss.

I think Rex Ryan just put a foot in his mouth somewhere.

With that, I am no longer truly excited about either team winning the game, but I am truly excited about coming up with my Super Bowl party menu! What is a Super Bowl without gorging yourself with some of the most unhealthy goodies and lots and lots of beer?

Here's what my household has to look forward to:

• Chicken wings with Frank's hot sauce. It really is the best. I learned that from dad.
• Chipotle pot roast enchiladas. Complete with home made enchilada sauce.
• Black beans.
• Beef franks in blankets. Because pork has been recently outlawed in my social circle.
• Blueberry dump cake. If you really want to know, just ask. It's to die for, and takes 15 minutes to make. Even my brother could make this cake.
• Beer. American micro brews to be exact.
• Mimosas. Because champagne makes for good day time drinking.
• Hummus and veggies. Because you have to have something redeeming on the table.

Good luck to the teams that prevailed in today's games, and I will see you on the couch! Don't forget the wet naps.

The FIFA World Cup.

I forgot to tell you all about how I spent the FIFA World Cup.

Drunk with my best friend from South Africa. It was awesome. There aren't many things that are more awesome than drinking Stella and eating chocolate cake that I decorated like a South African flag at 7am.

Photographic evidence of my fuzzy memories of spending the World Cup with someone who legitimately calls soccer 'football.'

Papelbon & Ellsbury keep their red socks.

Apparently it only takes $12M to keep one of the most colorful pitchers in baseball on your roster. The Boston Red Sox signed a one year deal with pitcher Jonathan Papelbon, who is somewhat famous for letting his dog eat the ball that brought home the 2007 World Series win for the Sox. He can now be famous for receiving the highest paying one year contract for an arbitration eligible pitcher, and the fourth highest overall. While Papelbon had his crappiest season yet at Fenway, word has it that he has been throwing balls around in dog parks, and is looking to bring a stronger arm to the 2011 season.

Center fielder Jacoby Ellsbury also signed a one year deal, but he goes for a lot less at a mere $2.4M. That and he hasn't done anything stupid enough for me to make a joke about yet.

OH YEAHHHH.

Denver Broncos running back Laurence Maroney was arrested last night on drug and weapon allegations. While his publicist did confirm that he was one of five people arrested after being pulled over outside of St. Louis, she insists that he did nothing wrong. Then she admitted that he was in posession of a firearm. I'm not sure what the gun laws are in Missouri, but when five people are arrested on gun charges, and one of them is your client, he did something wrong. Just sayin'.

A police spokeswoman later confirmed that all five passengers in the vehicle were in posession of marijuna and were all taken into custody. There was also a .45 handgun, 9 mm pistol and .223 calibur rifle found in the vehicle. Holy shit, they must have been on their way back from a hunting trip!

Maroney might be joining a decent list of criminals the Broncos have been harboring lately.

And he is really wearing a blinged out Kool-Aid man around his neck. Oh yeah.