Favre fined, too!

New Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has been fined $10,000 by the NFL for some sort of dirty thing he did to Houston defensive back Eugene Wilson a couple of weeks ago. Ease up, it was just for play! Okay, that doesn't sound right either. Old man Favre was playing with sore ribs and went down on Wilson at the legs for something they're calling a "crack back" move. I really can't win here, perverts!

Wilson wasn't impressed by the experienced quarterback's move. "What was that? Seriously, what was that?" Wilson had to say about the block after the game.

Favre's reply, "I will be 40 years old in October, and I was weed-eating thirteen days ago."

TMI!

The Vikings finish their preseason play tonight, and Favre is not expected to play.

Papelbon pays up.

The rain man-esque closer for the Boston Red Sox, Jonathan Papelbon, has been fined for the second time this season by Major League Baseball for holding up a game. Whacky Jon (also known for allowing his bulldog to consume the winning pitch 2007 World Series ball) was fined $5,000 for taking too long to throw his first pitch. Pitchers have 12 seconds to execute after the batter steps into the box.

"After this, I don't know man. I think they're going to call my parole officer and put me away," says Papelbon.

5150, maybe.

Twitter rules off the court.

The NBA will soon be placing strict guidelines on the use of the somehow overly popular social [unnecessary] information site, Twitter, for its players.

“Obviously, there is a happy medium between tweeting before the game and tweeting from our bench during the game,” Stern said. “You want to make sure that pop culture doesn’t intrude on what brought us here, which is the game, and that we show the right respect for the game.”

The announcement comes after the NFL placed similar guidelines for Twitter use on its players on Monday.

“We just need to make sure when it’s OK to Tweet and when it’s not OK to Tweet so it at least focuses around the game,” said Stern.

Tweet, tweet. When appropriate!

Follow me on Twitter!

Senator Schilling?!

Although not completely ruled out, former Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling claims he is not likely to run to replace Senator Ted Kennedy in the US Senate. He certainly has that 'I'm a politician, and I just finished saying something important' look. Rumors have been milling that Schilling was running as an independent in the race after he spoke on a Boston radio station regarding the state of Massachusetts, and it's "desperate" need for new blood this morning.

Bloody socks?

The 42 year old retiree (what a jerk, right?) has since been focusing on his video gaming company, 38 studios. He's a nerd too?! I'm loving this. However, he has credentials...and they are that he has no baggage. That's more than most females can claim, so it's a start. He is also apparently "encumbered by special interest connections."

I talked with my dad about these rumors this morning. He thinks Schilling should go ahead and run for president...with Josh Beckett as his running mate. What a campaign that would be! If you look at pictures of them together, they kind of look like a good [political] team.

Would you vote Schilling?

No bun in Nowitzki's oven.

Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki is either breathing a sigh of relief, or picking his nose, upon receiving news from the department of corrections that his former fiancee is not pregnant after claims from prison that she was with his child. Conjugal visits, huh?

Cristal Taylor is serving a four year prison sentence for violating parole on theft of services charges and some other stupid crap. She seriously didn't pay her dentist. That must have been a boatload of dental work, donkey! She was arrested earlier this year (on my birthday) at Nowitzki's home.

What a charming gal!

Yankees defy odds. Jerks.

When high-fiving, your palms are supposed to connect. Just sayin'. Yankees...

Anyway, the damn Yankees knocked five balls out of the park to take the Baltimore Orioles on Tuesday night, with Jorge Posada hitting two home runs. Killer, B. I thought I would have more to say about this, but I really don't.

The win puts the Yankers 6 1/2 games in front of the Boston Red Sox. I need to call my dad on this one.

Boone beats back.

Just five months after undergoing heart surgery to correct a congenital defect (that's somewhat of a birth defect for you smart ones) in his aortic valve, Houston Astros third baseman, Aaron Boone, has been reactivated from the DL after serving his rehab time in the minors. That's pretty damn snappy, if I must say so myself. His stats, mediocre, hitting a career .264 with 126 home runs and 555 RBIs.

But I don't think I'm aware of any other baseball player coming back from heart surgery and hitting the field.

Play on, player!

Former Miami Heat player...takes some real heat.

Let me premise this by saying that I have the utmost respect for our men and women in the armed services. However, there is some degree of confusion here for me. Could it have been early consumption of lead paint? Maybe early onset dementia? Just plain old stupidity? Because I certainly do not understand how one goes from being a first round NBA draft pick, to a U.S. Army Task Force officer.

Let's start with saying that Tim James traded in a 7-figure paycheck to make around $2,600 a month, 5 star hotels to live in 130+ temperatures, and manages to be as far as humanly possible from his family. If he were my husband, I'd be on a plane to Iraq with a frying pan in hand to smack that guy in the head a few times.

Granted, his NBA career was really just a shooting star in the midst of the giant solar system of big time ball, but I thought most of us had a similar goal in life: work less, make more. Maybe that is just mine?

I can't see how this could end well, taking into consideration that there are no other known former NBA players to ever enlist in any armed services. There was an Arizona Cardinals safety that did years ago, and he was killed by 'friendly fire' in Afghanistan in 2004. Friendly fire, huh? I think David Cross has a killer skit on that. Talk about an oxymoron. Moron.

The pueblo chieftain.

The Kansas City Chiefs are in a little bit of a pickle. Trying to come back from a 2 win season last year, they acquired the would-be benched ex-Patriot, Matt Cassel. Unfortunately for the Chiefs, Cassel lasted only three plays in Saturday night's game, hobbling off the field with a leg injury. The Chiefs also lost cornerback Brandon Flowers (hey, isn't that the singer of The Killers??), and receiver Devard Darling on shoulder and leg injuries, respectively.

This could be super ugly for the Chiefs, as they just signed Cassel into a six-year $63 million contract. Without having a win in over nine months, and no word on their starting quarterback, the team is going to hell in a handbasket this Thursday against St. Louis.

Good luck...you'll need it.

Sorry ladies...and gay men.

Rumor on the street is that New York Yanker Derek Jeter is secretly engaged to his actress girlfriend, Minka Kelly. Rumor also has that the wedding is set for late fall - post baseball season. Granted, I don't really care, I figured that some of you might.

The tissue is on the counter, girls.