Favre fined, too!

New Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has been fined $10,000 by the NFL for some sort of dirty thing he did to Houston defensive back Eugene Wilson a couple of weeks ago. Ease up, it was just for play! Okay, that doesn't sound right either. Old man Favre was playing with sore ribs and went down on Wilson at the legs for something they're calling a "crack back" move. I really can't win here, perverts!

Wilson wasn't impressed by the experienced quarterback's move. "What was that? Seriously, what was that?" Wilson had to say about the block after the game.

Favre's reply, "I will be 40 years old in October, and I was weed-eating thirteen days ago."

TMI!

The Vikings finish their preseason play tonight, and Favre is not expected to play.

Papelbon pays up.

The rain man-esque closer for the Boston Red Sox, Jonathan Papelbon, has been fined for the second time this season by Major League Baseball for holding up a game. Whacky Jon (also known for allowing his bulldog to consume the winning pitch 2007 World Series ball) was fined $5,000 for taking too long to throw his first pitch. Pitchers have 12 seconds to execute after the batter steps into the box.

"After this, I don't know man. I think they're going to call my parole officer and put me away," says Papelbon.

5150, maybe.

Twitter rules off the court.

The NBA will soon be placing strict guidelines on the use of the somehow overly popular social [unnecessary] information site, Twitter, for its players.

“Obviously, there is a happy medium between tweeting before the game and tweeting from our bench during the game,” Stern said. “You want to make sure that pop culture doesn’t intrude on what brought us here, which is the game, and that we show the right respect for the game.”

The announcement comes after the NFL placed similar guidelines for Twitter use on its players on Monday.

“We just need to make sure when it’s OK to Tweet and when it’s not OK to Tweet so it at least focuses around the game,” said Stern.

Tweet, tweet. When appropriate!

Follow me on Twitter!

Senator Schilling?!

Although not completely ruled out, former Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling claims he is not likely to run to replace Senator Ted Kennedy in the US Senate. He certainly has that 'I'm a politician, and I just finished saying something important' look. Rumors have been milling that Schilling was running as an independent in the race after he spoke on a Boston radio station regarding the state of Massachusetts, and it's "desperate" need for new blood this morning.

Bloody socks?

The 42 year old retiree (what a jerk, right?) has since been focusing on his video gaming company, 38 studios. He's a nerd too?! I'm loving this. However, he has credentials...and they are that he has no baggage. That's more than most females can claim, so it's a start. He is also apparently "encumbered by special interest connections."

I talked with my dad about these rumors this morning. He thinks Schilling should go ahead and run for president...with Josh Beckett as his running mate. What a campaign that would be! If you look at pictures of them together, they kind of look like a good [political] team.

Would you vote Schilling?

No bun in Nowitzki's oven.

Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki is either breathing a sigh of relief, or picking his nose, upon receiving news from the department of corrections that his former fiancee is not pregnant after claims from prison that she was with his child. Conjugal visits, huh?

Cristal Taylor is serving a four year prison sentence for violating parole on theft of services charges and some other stupid crap. She seriously didn't pay her dentist. That must have been a boatload of dental work, donkey! She was arrested earlier this year (on my birthday) at Nowitzki's home.

What a charming gal!

Yankees defy odds. Jerks.

When high-fiving, your palms are supposed to connect. Just sayin'. Yankees...

Anyway, the damn Yankees knocked five balls out of the park to take the Baltimore Orioles on Tuesday night, with Jorge Posada hitting two home runs. Killer, B. I thought I would have more to say about this, but I really don't.

The win puts the Yankers 6 1/2 games in front of the Boston Red Sox. I need to call my dad on this one.

Boone beats back.

Just five months after undergoing heart surgery to correct a congenital defect (that's somewhat of a birth defect for you smart ones) in his aortic valve, Houston Astros third baseman, Aaron Boone, has been reactivated from the DL after serving his rehab time in the minors. That's pretty damn snappy, if I must say so myself. His stats, mediocre, hitting a career .264 with 126 home runs and 555 RBIs.

But I don't think I'm aware of any other baseball player coming back from heart surgery and hitting the field.

Play on, player!

Former Miami Heat player...takes some real heat.

Let me premise this by saying that I have the utmost respect for our men and women in the armed services. However, there is some degree of confusion here for me. Could it have been early consumption of lead paint? Maybe early onset dementia? Just plain old stupidity? Because I certainly do not understand how one goes from being a first round NBA draft pick, to a U.S. Army Task Force officer.

Let's start with saying that Tim James traded in a 7-figure paycheck to make around $2,600 a month, 5 star hotels to live in 130+ temperatures, and manages to be as far as humanly possible from his family. If he were my husband, I'd be on a plane to Iraq with a frying pan in hand to smack that guy in the head a few times.

Granted, his NBA career was really just a shooting star in the midst of the giant solar system of big time ball, but I thought most of us had a similar goal in life: work less, make more. Maybe that is just mine?

I can't see how this could end well, taking into consideration that there are no other known former NBA players to ever enlist in any armed services. There was an Arizona Cardinals safety that did years ago, and he was killed by 'friendly fire' in Afghanistan in 2004. Friendly fire, huh? I think David Cross has a killer skit on that. Talk about an oxymoron. Moron.

The pueblo chieftain.

The Kansas City Chiefs are in a little bit of a pickle. Trying to come back from a 2 win season last year, they acquired the would-be benched ex-Patriot, Matt Cassel. Unfortunately for the Chiefs, Cassel lasted only three plays in Saturday night's game, hobbling off the field with a leg injury. The Chiefs also lost cornerback Brandon Flowers (hey, isn't that the singer of The Killers??), and receiver Devard Darling on shoulder and leg injuries, respectively.

This could be super ugly for the Chiefs, as they just signed Cassel into a six-year $63 million contract. Without having a win in over nine months, and no word on their starting quarterback, the team is going to hell in a handbasket this Thursday against St. Louis.

Good luck...you'll need it.

Sorry ladies...and gay men.

Rumor on the street is that New York Yanker Derek Jeter is secretly engaged to his actress girlfriend, Minka Kelly. Rumor also has that the wedding is set for late fall - post baseball season. Granted, I don't really care, I figured that some of you might.

The tissue is on the counter, girls.

Sanchez brings home NY Braggin' Rights.

It's official - the New York Jets have a starting quarterback. And apparently he plays in the NFL much better than some of us had previously thought. Mark Sanchez went 13 for 20, threw for 149 yards, and put 20 points on the board in just over 2 1/2 quarters tonight. The kid looks good, and earned the Jets, and new coach Rex Ryan, their first win of the year, beating the New York Giants 27-25.

I must say, if my baseball team can't take me through the fall, it looks like my football team just might.

Cheers to that!

Cable under fire.

The Napa police department plans to interview Oakland Raiders coach Tom Cable for allegedly assaulting assistant coaching staff member Randy Hanson during a meeting. The confrontation left Hanson hospitalized with broken bones in the face. Look at the pictures above. Does that look like a fair fight?

Not really.

Damn Yankees.

My dad always told me that he has two favorite teams - The Boston Red Sox, and anyone who beats the Yankees. He's from Boston, so, naturally, you get it. I'm not from Boston, I'm not really into the American League and their designated hitter nonsense (pussies), so I'm not a Red Sox fan.

But I still hate the Yankees.

Will someone beat them already? They're now 6 games up on the Red Sox, and they're spanking ass. Is this because they have a $347 million infield? Is this because they're all on some super form of juice that can't be detected as one of the thousands of banned substances in the MLB?

I know it's not because they said farewell to Joe Torre.

Someone tell me what it is that makes the most overpaid, sickening sense of self entitled guys in stripes that makes this work. I smell foul play. Seriously. Or I'm bitter this evening. Either way, I'm over it. Come on AL. Work it!

They're baaaaaack!

The Los Angeles Dodgers were lookin super sexy (just the way I like them) at Coors Field this evening as they powered their way back into wider lead on the Rockies for their division title. With consecutive home runs by Andre Ethier (3-4, 3 RBI) and another by James Loney (2-4, 3 RBI), the Dodgers took a 6-1 lead on the Colorado Rockies, and managed to hold them there for the remaining five innings.

This puts the boys in blue 3 games ahead of the Rockies, and I'm going to sleep better tonight knowing that.

Keep it up!

Vick making NFL season debut this Thursday.

I love that photo...just sayin'.

Former dog slayer/returning quarterback Michael Vick is slated to make his season debut starting with the Philadelphia Eagles this Thursday against the Jacksonville Jaguars. Vick is in for up to three quarters, and will definitely not play in the fourth. Of course, this all depends on how he can hang with 11 huge dudes charging him. Remember, Vick hasn't played an actual game in two years.

Eagles coach, Andy Reid, says Vick looks sharp in his drills, but he will be quick to yank him off the field if he can't hold up against the opposition. Donovan McNabb will likely be waiting on the sidelines to go in and help the team through the third quarter if need be.

Regardless, Michael Vick's return to the NFL playing field will be something to watch. Will you be tuning in? We will!

Whiny Willy to Fenway!

The New York Mets have traded the bitching, closing pitching Billy Wagner to the Boston Red Sox to play as a set up man for the returning ace, Jonathan Papelbon, after making some very snide, on camera remarks about the world series winning pitcher. I tried to get the video, but it is apparently copyrighted by ESPN's Sportscenter, and they have better lawyers than I do, so I'm not even going there.

Papelbon explained to some that the comments were a misunderstanding, and word on the street is that Wagner has since apologized for his choice words that were something to the effect of, "tell him to have 'tommy johns' surgery at 38 and come back." Ouch.

I smell drama, and I love it!

Dodgers blowing their lead.

The Los Angeles Dodgers took one in the rear in the 10th inning when Colorado Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki, who went 2-5 with 2 RBIs, lined one into center field with one out and the bases loaded.

Another blown save by the crumbling Dodgers after starting strong from the get go. Matt Kemp scored on a single by Andre Either (3-4, 1 RBI) at the front of the first inning, and my hopes were up. Casey Blake homered out to deep left center field, and we were rockin'. But our dear, sweet child of a pitcher, Clayton Kershaw allowed two runs on 4 hits before being yanked from the mound after 6 1/3 innings.

The Dodgers relief pitching and game changing errors have narrowed their lead in the NL West to just two games. I'm getting tired of being let down by my team late in the game, although Los Angeles manager Joe Torre remains hopeful that the boys in blue will hold on to their #1 slot. I recall us kicking some major ass with a killer offensive lineup sans Manny Ramirez a few weeks ago. Hint, hint.

Get it together, boys. And tell Frank I said to pony up a little more in the budget for some real pitching.

2 years for shooting self?!

Former New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress agreed to serve a two year prison sentence for shooting himself in the leg in a Manhattan nightclub. Possibly the night photographed above (photo courtesy of drunkathlete.com ...thanks!). Bookmark that ish. Seriously!

Anyway, Burress was facing up to 3 1/2 years after pleading guilty to criminal possession of a weapon, so I guess he got off relatively easy. He'll probably spend a year behind bars before escaping...I mean being released.... to try and reincarnate some form of career.

Hang tight, bro! Keep those cheeks tight!

Tweet tweet tweet...all the way...to jail.

If you follow New York Knicks guard Nate Robinson on Twitter, you got some funny tweets right before his ass was hauled to jail for driving with a suspended license. Robinson was pulled over for dark tint on the windows. 35 minutes later, cops took him to the 52nd precinct and charged him with aggravated unlicensed operation of a vehicle. Whatever that means!

According to the New York Post, the tweets read something like:

"Cops pulled me over cuz my windows were 2 dark (but my windows were down) lol how funny is that"

"Iam still pulled over and its been 35 min they have me sit in my truck like I dnt have s#*+2 do lol."

LOL, he types like a 14-year old!

Follow me on Twitter!

Dodgers add to the pen.

Los Angeles Dodgers manager Joe Torre announced today that they have signed former Texas Rangers right handed pitcher Vicente Padilla. The totally ballsy move was made after Hiroki Kuroda was put on the DL for getting a line drive to the head last Saturday, and the Dodgers needed a starter to fill his little shoes.

Padilla is scheduled to make his debut in blue against Colorado on August 27th. I'll be watching.

Kane indicted for assault.

First of all, if you google image search 'Patrick Kane mugshot,' a picture of Lindsay Lohan looking mighty cracked out in jail comes up. Awesome!

Chicago Blackhawks ice skating superstar was indicted today for assault and theft after beating up a 62 year old cab driver for 20 cents in change. Even more awesome!

Let justice be served, and hope that Kane learns to take his aggression out on the ice, not old men.

Cardinals scoop up on discounted pitcher.

The St. Louis Cardinals signed a deal today with the very bald, very 42 year old former Cy Young pitcher John Smoltz after he was released from the Boston Red Sox. Luckily for the Cardinals, Boston is still responsible for a majority of his contract, giving the birds the pitcher for a mere $100k!

Sweet jeezus, that's what I call clearance sale! Don't forget that there must be a reason it's on clearance.

Forever Favre

Smirk smirk, I smell more dollar signs. The Minnesota Vikings have gained enough of some sort of credibility by signing old timer Brett Favre to come and wear their colors to sell 3200 season tickets since inking his contract.

Vikings fans, beware. I've already been duped by this deal. I wouldn't exactly say you're better off, but don't expect any progress.

To be, or not to be...a woman?

Caster Semenya has gone from some person who runs to a top favorite after taking the gold medal in the 800 meter at the world championships. However, speculation on Caster's gender has triggered some intense investigation as to whether or not she is a she!

I thought that was a pretty simple thing to decide when a child is born, aside from the 0.5 percent of children born with that particular 'difference.' Apparently I was wrong because the results of Semenya's gender test are going to take weeks to decipher, pending reports from a medical physical evaluation, tests from gynecologists, endocrinologists, psychologists, and internal medicine specialists.

Really? That's crazy.

Wolfin' down the competition.

Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Randy Wolf stole the show yesterday against the Arizona D-bags to avoid a sweep at Chase Field. Just a triple shy of hitting for the cycle, Wolf struck out ten, and retired 20 batters straight. This comes after 13 no decision games of his 26 starts. Maybe he's finally heating up. Our bullpen could use some dirty.

Andre Ethier also smacked a multi run homer to help the Dodgers defeat Arizona 9-3.

Go Blue!

Again, drugs are BANNED, kids.

New Orleans Saints small fry/kicker Garrett Hartley has been suspended for the first four games of the regular season due to testing positive for Adderall. Hartley claims he got the pills from a former college friend to take on an overnight drive from Dallas to New Orleans to work out. We call bluff! We know what college students use that stuff for.

The 23-year old said he was not aware that the prescription drug was on the list of banned substances, and called the mishap a "bump in the road." Pun intended?

Sniff, sniff. Drugs are bad, my friend.

You get paid a lot to work about 4 minutes a week. You should make sure you know the rules your company enforces.

Rookie vs. Ravens

Former USC Trojan quarterback is moving on up, and is being thrown up against some major competition. Now throwing for the New York Jets, Mark Sanchez will face Ray Lewis and the rest of the Baltimore Ravens in a preseason game of Monday Night Football on August 24th.

Having been a Cal student, and having an aversion to schools that I could never afford to go to, I've never been a Trojans fan. I know what the kid can do, but now he's playing for my pro team. This is no joke.

While his future for the full season is still up in the air with Kellen Clemens still in the running for that favored QB spot, Sanchez really showed some stuff in his first start against the St. Louis rams on Friday, and his efforts did not go unnoticed. Sanchez remains calm and cool about the decision for him to start over Clemens, and is said to be excited.

I'm undoubtedly glad to have some fresh blood in my favored NFL squad. Although his career started with one of my least favorite college teams, I'm going to accept Sanchez with open arms in hopes that the Jets can actually do something relatively exciting this year. I won't be rocking a #6 jersey, but I'll certainly be cheering him on.

J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets!

Another man down!

New York Mets 'hot stove' David Wright also suffered a concussion when gunned in the head by a 94-mph fastball from San Francisco Giants Matt Cain. Wright's CT scans came up negative, but he remained in the hospital overnight.

The Giants went on to beat the Mets 5-4 in ten innings. San Francisco needs to get a grip. Eat some granola or something.

Man down!

Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Hiroki Kuroda was dinged in the head and knocked to the ground tonight by a line drive from Arizona Diamondbacks Rusty Ryal. Awkward elevator music played for what seemed like decades as the emergency cart came out and twenty people worked to get the pitcher off the field.

Kuroda signaled to onlookers as he was being hauled away at 3 mph by lifting his hand in the air.

CT scans have shown no signs of fracture or internal bleeding, which is a great sign. Kuroda never lost consciousness, and has been diagnosed with only a concussion. He will remain in St. Joseph's hospital overnight for observation.

I say he's out for the season, but we'll see.

The Dodgers (and by Dodgers, I mean Jonathan Broxton) went on to blow the game for Kuroda in the tenth inning. I'm having nightmares of last year's NLCS all over again. Get it together, boys.

More Pitino, please.

I have to really take a moment to defend Rick. So, the man made a drunken mistake in a closed restaurant after hours. The bitch obviously went bat-shit crazy on the poor guy, and dragged her husband into it. Rick did the right thing by opening up and taking responsibility for the incident. Am I condoning what he did? No, but give the man a break.

To have journalists drag his name through the mud for not landing another coaching spot in the NBA because of a 'fall from grace' with the Louisville Cardinals is just plain ignorant. He made a mistake. We all make mistakes.

Think of what an accomplished college basketball coach he is. Yeah, he didn't really shine in his previous run with the NBA, but I would never say he fell from grace in the NCAA.

And his infidelity to his wife has absolutely nothing to do with him not scoring a job with the Sacramento Kings. Get a grip.

Kane is a cheap skate. Pun intended.

This just cracks me up. First off, does that kid look like he could hurt anyone? Second, you would think that 20 cents wouldn't matter to someone playing in the NHL.

Apparently, I am wrong on all fronts.

Chicago Blackhawks player Patrick Kane is being tried before a New York grand jury for allegedly beating the crap out of a 62 year old taxi driver for not having proper change for him and his buddy in Buffalo this week. Kane pleaded not guilty to charges of robbery and some other charges.

Can we say a-hole? I know hockey players are supposed to be agressive, but this is a bit much.

NCAAF...dominating my headlines?

Now, I'm a woman. I like sports. You could even say that I love them.

But does anyone watch female sports? Let alone college female sports?

The only female sport I can own up to watching is curling during the winter olympics. Occasionally a game of womens hockey if I happen to be at my dad's house and it's on. He likes to make fun of the scandinavian last names. Total jerk, right?

I had to get it from somewhere.

Vick is high like an eagle.

Convicted dog killer/NFL quarterback Michael Vick has reportedly just signed a deal with the Philadelphia Eagles for the 2009 season. Vick's agent, Joe Segal, gave word that both sides had come to an agreement, and Vick will be hitting the showers shortly.

Just keep him away from the mascots.

Vick is slated to head up against Tom Brady's new bionic leg and the New England Patriots in the first exhibition game of the season. That one should be interesting. Robot versus Animal Killer.

I like baseball better.

Another reason that Shane Victorino is a pansy.

Philadelphia Phillies Shane Victorino center fielder can't take the heat. Or the pint. Victorino file a police report after having some beer dumped on him in a successful attempt at catching a long fly ball at Wrigley Field this week.

Of course, the Chicago Cubs chairman, manager and general manager all ran quickly to apologize for the incident (like they had any control over it).

"It's part of the game. It's one of those things that happens and I just want to make sure that guy gets what's due," Shane says of the incident.

If it's part of the game, why did you file a police report? Huh, huh?

Dick. I thought it was funny.

Check out the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4eDJs1nrNw

UPDATE: The alleged beer thrower is facing two charges: battery and illegal conduct within a sports facility.

Soccer hooligans, be warned. Wrigley Field is not a safe place.

Suspended...for a long ass time!

Cleveland Browns receiver Donte' Stallworth was slapped with a full season suspension today on top of the 24 days he'll spend getting bent over in jail for killing a crane operator in Miami while drunk driving this past March. That's going to cost him...a lot.

Drinking and driving is stupid. Don't do it.

I've really got nothing else to say about that.

Youk out five games

The Boston Red Sox corner baseman Kevin Youkilis was suspended for five games starting Wednesday for charging the mound and tackling Detroit pitcher Rick Porcello for allegedly hitting him the face with a ball.

Benches cleared to break up the fight before Popeye managed to throw any punches. Both players were ejected from the game and put on suspension.

Baseball is getting rowdy! Loves it!

UPDATE: check out the video below! the quality blows, and youtube will probably take it down soon, so get on it!

Oh, Rick...

I didn't really want to get down with this story because it bums me out to see my beloved Louisville Cardinals head coach caught in some crazy scandal with some crazy woman, but I feel the need to share the news that even had Howard Stern talking this morning.

To make a long story short, Rick knocked up some lady in a restaurant, she got $3,000 out of him for an abortion, later married his equipment coach, they proceeded to try and extort upwards of $10 million out of the Pitinos, and has now been indicted for all sorts of crap.

Now, I give it up to Rick for coming clean, but that should have never happened in the first place. Cheating sucks, man! A cheater never wins.

T.O. Show...blows

PLEASE, please, please tell me that someone has watched this show. Honestly, I have not. Why would I? Well, I think I've seen enough considering he's flashing his bare naked bod as the publicity image for the reality monster. That, and I've seen the previews.

Cheese? Scripted much? And who are the two chicks who seem to run his life and tempt him to be naughty by leaving half naked aspiring models on his couch? I am so confused! Someone fill me in. Seriously.

The Giant Panda...turned pansy?

(image courtesy of the Associated Press 8/12/09)

Todays game between the Los Angeles Dodgers and the San Francisco Giants couldn't have been more reminiscent of a 1980s daytime soap opera. Managers were getting tossed, the benches cleared, players' tempers flared galore, and teams ran out of position players.

The spotlight should have been on the young lord of the bullpen, Tim Linsecum. At the start of today's game, the freak owns up to a 2.20 ERA and 198 strikeouts. I'm sure he looks even better [on paper] now.

Let's go two innings of a 0-0 standoff when Giants manager Bruce Bochy starts talking mad verb regarding an unsuccessful pickoff of The Great [and sometimes overrated] Manny Ramirez to get himself ejected from the game by the first base umpire.

Three innings later, Pablo Sandoval gets knicked by a pitch from Dodgers relieving pitcher James McDonald, and starts antagonizing and pointing fingers at the young pitcher. Words exchange between Sandoval and Dodgers catcher Russell Martin, and next thing you know, the benches are clearing. Unfortunately, no blood was shed, and everyone returned to their seats and bases.

Sandoval later walked his bitchy ass to first base to "calm down." Those were his words. No lie.

Play ball. Now Giants bench coach/acting manager Ron Wotus is ejected for talking some unnecessary guff.

The Giants busted our balls enough to score 2 runs in the 5th, forcing us to bust out all the stops, and every pitcher in our bullpen. As Linsecum continued to bend our bullpen over, we started puppeteering our players all over the field, having relieving catcher Sexy Brad Ausmus at home, moving Martin to 3rd base. There were other moves, but that one was most notable as Torre quickly realized there was no one else to play with.

We managed to score a run off the freak boy in the sixth, and another in the 9th, in an attempt to save our asses. It was only then that Linsecum was denied his 5th complete game, and pulled from the mound.

I really thought we had it there as we went into extra innings, but I was sorely mistaken.

The Dodgers went down 4-2 in the 10th by a 2 run walk off homer by Juan Uribe.

As disappointing as the loss is, that was one of the best displays of great baseball rivalry that I have ever seen.

Kudos, gentlemen!

ANDDDD...we're back!

I apologize for the long lull in keeping you in stitches. I was put on administrative leave. Or something like that.

More importantly, we're back on, and better than ever.

MLB playoffs are less than fifty games away, and our Dodgers are looking mighty fine in the NL West!

We couldn't be more thrilled to participate in such a season!

So, without further adieu, on with the show....

Tom Brady's life is better than yours.

Yeah, I read that somewhere else. Good stuff.

There's a bubble protruding from my ceiling. I can't wait to move [this weekend], and I've been slacking on the updates.

One day until the March Madness NCAA men's basketball tournament begins. I hope you have your brackets ready. I have four different pools going.

You can join one on Facebook!

http://apps.facebook.com/thebracketchallenge/?page=pool&id=88545&wclc=ba-10

That should link you to it.

Have fun, and good luck teams!

Back in action.

I had a busy weekend. I know you all missed me. Apartment hunting in Los Angeles is a bitch.

Anyway, some super highlights of the weekend. Japan kicked Korea's ass in the World Baseball Classic on Saturday, 14-2. Daisuke Matsuzaka really owned that game.

Terrell Owens is moving to Buffalo. The Bills paid T.O. $6.5 million for a one year move. Not bad.

Team USA (fuck yeah) has bromance written all over it, and it's showing in their game. They took Venezuela 15-6 after ousting Canada in their opener 6-5. The dudes play again Wednesday.

Charles Barkley is a hit in jail. I've been told that he's wandering around and handing out autographs to inmates. There will be more on this later. I'm curious.

The Louisville Cards took the NCAA men's basketball Big East championship Saturday with their win over West Virginia. I watched the game. It was edge of your seat excitement. Go Cards!

David Beckham will be back in LA to play for the Galaxy July 1st. Becks is almost 34, still looking amazing, and is still the most sought after soccer player in the land. Hot.

Cowboys cut TO

(img via theinsider.com)

After a nice run with the Dallas Cowboys, they have decided to cut Terrell Owens, but not do to his skills on the field. It was his attitude on the sidelines, in the locker room, and at practice. Who knew TO had a bad attitude and a huge ego?

Okay, I guess we all did.

Team owner Jerry Jones said yesterday of Owens' release, “we will move on now with a new team—a new attitude—and into a new stadium. The evaluation process and the prospect for change will continue at every level of the organization.”

Let's see what the Cowboys can do without him. He's been a key player for the last three years.

Apparently TO was a little stunned by the news. Sources say he was sending some nasty text messages, although he was more shocked than hurt. His website released a different statement thanking Dallas “for the opportunity to be a member of the team for the past three years.”

“A big thanks to the fans—you’ve been awesome! I look forward to the upcoming season and continuing to play in the NFL,” Owens added.

Hmmmm!

LOST.

After nearly three days of searching the Gulf of Mexico for four football players, the Coast Guard has put an end to the hunt. Only one of the four men has been found. South Florida player Nick Schuyler was found near the 21-foot boat the men had taken on a fishing trip. The boat capsized, and everyone was left at sea.

The other three men, Oakland Raiders linebacker Marquis Cooper, defensive lineman Corey Smith, and South Florida player William Bleakly, were supposedly wearing life vests when the vessel went down, but they did not remain near the boat.

Sad. Hearts to the families affected in this terrible tragedy.

No more Nomar!

(image via pe.com)

Nomar Garciaparra has reportedly signed a one year deal with the Oakland Athletics. The once super slugger will be the third oldest member of the Oakland franchise. They might have to change their name to the Oakland Fogies if they keep these pre-retirees on the roster.

The A's plan to make the official announcement this Friday.

It's [supposedly] official!

(image via ESPN.com)

According to sources, Manny Ramirez has finally signed a deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers, and is on a plane headed west to take a physical before starting spring training.

Details of the deal haven't made it to me just yet, but I'll certainly disclose the goods as soon as I get them!

Becks is going bye-bye.

(image via zimbio.com)

Sorry ladies! Are there any ladies reading this? I guess not. Perez Hilton will probably end up telling the story on the radio before you wake up anyway.

The ultimately sexy center-fielder is on his way to Italy for good. Becks will return to LA for a short period at the end of his loan term (who knew he was literally such a hot commodity?) before going back to Italy as a free agent thanks to an opt out clause at the end of his 2009 contract.

I bet Victoria is going to be pissed. I hear she likes living in la la land.

Anyway, I feel awful for the Major League Soccer execs that spent a lot of time and money to bring Sexy Becksy over here. We thank everyone who made LA Galaxy soccer more enjoyable for the female front than ever.

And for you guys who truly enjoy soccer...er, I mean, football. You don't watch the MLS anyway.

Cheers!

First of the year.

Every day gets a little more exciting for me as we creep closer to opening day. Today, I met up with some friends to watch the first televised game of the year for us Dodger fans. We played the Chicago White Sox in a pretty uneventful game. Half the time we were wondering who the hell was pitching, and I think I missed every single run scored because it was also a birthday celebration that included some non-baseball fans.

Regardless, the Dodgers took a loss 3-2 in one of the lowest spring training scores we've seen so far. I'm still just waiting for Kershaw to come out throwing gas. He's definitely not a favorite of the three in the running to be our season opener. Although that would be my choice.

Anyway, the Lakers took a loss to Shaq and his Phoenix Suns. We caught the last 2:48 of the game once we were done with baseball. Poor Kobe. He's probably crying himself to sleep.

Break out the cracker jack.

Spring training has officially started. There are a bunch of games going on today. Most won't be televised, but you can go to www.mlbtv.com and get some sort of sweet package so you can stream them on the internet from your office. Make sure to keep the window small, and the volume down, so your boss doesn't catch you. Just sayin'.

The most exciting game today will probably be the Boston Red Sox facing the World Series Losers, the Tampa Bay Rays at 1:05pm ET.

Get into it.

The LAme Angels of Anaheim are playing Colorado. The Dodgers are up against the Mariners, and Philly is going to whoop Cincinnati.

Good times.

They're showin' the money.

(image via footballsfuture.com)

The Washington Redskins aren't contract shy. They proved that by handing defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth $100 million for 7 years. Haynesworth was a key player in smashing the Tennessee Titans to a 10-game undefeated season streak before being majorly upset in game 11 by the New York Jets. Look at him. Who wants a piece of that?

This is the second big contract for the Redskins, who earlier signed Deangelo Hall for six years at $54 million.

I don't know where they got all this money. I wasn't aware the Redskins had fans. Apparently I was wrong, and there's plenty of time to buy more big dudes for their line before the season starts later this year.

Dear Los Angeles,

The Lakers just won. Thought you should know.

Apparently the Suns are incapable of shutting Kobe down without Steve Nash. Kobe and the rest of the yellow guys scored 70 points in the first half, and continued the beat down with a final score of 132-106.

They play tomorrow in Denver. I'm sure it won't be that exciting.

It's almost here!

(image via betavega.com)

Get your brackets out, because March Madness is on the way. Selection Sunday is March 15th, with our first and second rounds starting up on the 19th. This is when things get out of hand. Bandwith runs low because we're all trying to stream three games on our work computers. Productivity drops because who the hell is working when a 12 seed just upset one of your final four? Some people even think it's okay to have no faith in their favorite teams just to win their bracket pool. Traitors? I'm not going to name names...Brad.

That's right folks. March Madness is almost upon us.

Pittsburgh remains a favorite amongst most, followed by Connecticut and UNC. Duke and Oklahoma look like they're going to be battling for that number four spot. The rest gets kind of messy after Louisville dropped quite a few slots.

I don't know who is going to take all, but I have a pretty good idea of what my brackets are shaping up to look like this year. So get your pencils out, and bring a box of tissue. This is one of the few times I get to see grown men cry.

And I love it.

WTF Manny...maybe you need a new agent.

(image via zimbio.com)

Okay, the third time should have been the charm. Apparently old man moneybags wasn't hearing number three, and has now rejected the fourth offer by the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Dodgers owner Frank McCourt knows what's up. In a statement earlier Thursday evening, he said, "when his agent finds those 'serious offers' from other clubs, we'll be happy to restart the negotiations."

I'm starting to believe that Scott Boras smokes crack. Is he really going to throw Manny's final years in baseball out the window because he can't negotiate a reasonable contract? This is absurd. No one in their right mind is going to pay a 37-year old man with a bad attitude, and a poor fielding record more than $45 million for two years!!!!!

NO ONE.

Sure, the Dodgers could use a .396 at the plate, but I'm not sure they're going to see it. Although GM Ned Colletti says that Wacky Ramirez isn't needed quite yet at spring training, I have been counting down the days until we play ball.

800...and counting?

(image via CNN)

Jim Calhoun is somewhere poppin' bottles in celebration of his 800th with tonight as Connecticut dominated Marquette Wednesday night.

UConn is well on their way to the final four, and possibly a championship, in the coming weeks. Ranked in the top two spots in multiple polls, the Huskies are coming fierce.

More celebrations for Jimmy in the near future? It's looking good. Congrats!

Manny?

Honestly, I'm pretty much over it. Breaking news says that the Los Angeles Dodgers just offered left fielder Manny Ramirez $45 million over two years. This is the biggest of the bags of money the thirty-six year old has received. He's an idiot to turn it down at this point. Obviously, no one else in the whole league has their checkbook out. Sign Manny, sign!

Or just go away and leave us alone already!

Either way, I'll be just fine with the Dodger roster. Manny or no Manny.

Did you know that he's a gemini? It kind of makes sense. He went from bleeding Dodger blue to kicking his feet up and waiting to count how many zeroes would make it on to the end of his next paycheck.

Jerk move.

I don't need to counter the above statement with how great of a ball player he is. We all know he can slug. He also rolls around in the outfield pretty well, too.

MOREbury!

(image via berecruited.com)

The New York Knicks have reportedly bought out guard Stephon Marbury for $400,000. That's a lot of pairs of $15 shoes! I guess five years was a little too much for them. He'll be a free agent after some waivers clear. Rumor has it that the Celtics are interested. I don't buy it.

Sooners...or later.

"I hate losing."

The words of Oklahoma coach Jeff Capel. Who doesn't? I've never in my life heard anyone say, "I love losing! It's awesome!"

Currently ranked third, and number two by some aforementioned pollsters, Oklahoma is in the hot seat after their second defeat Monday night against Kansas. The loss comes after the Sooners' star, Blake Griffin, suffered a knock in the head. He missed the second half of the Texas game Saturday, and failed to suit up Monday.

It looks like the Jayhawks are on their way to a conference title, and coach Bill Self might just earn himself a little coach of the year. No big deal. Especially when it's rumored to be a unanimous decision.

Although the Sooners waddled home with their tails between their legs last night, I think they learned a valuable lesson in team effort. Griffin can't carry your game. Look what happens when he's not there. Great game, but not great enough. We'll see what Oklahoma picked up in class last night when they face off Colorado Wednesday night in Boulder.

Manny's first HR.

Following live updates on the LA Dodgers intrasquad game going on at Camelback Ranch as we speak, I was just informed that Manny pounded his first home run in the first inning. The rest of the game has been notably boring, with just about no one getting on base. Big John Broxton pitched first for Team Drysdale, being yanked before they even needed anyone out for the second inning. Apparently Brox wasn't looking so hot on the mound.

My personal favorite, Blake DeWitt hit a hot shot to first base, going out on his first at bat. The third baseman turned second baseman mid-season last year looked promising, batting over .300 before getting yanked back to the minors, only to get called up again a few weeks later. Although DeWitt looked a lot better on 2B than he did at third, his average dropped, rounding out the 2008 season in the middle of the roster with a .264, and is reportedly slated for another season of AAA.

Another Dodgers young stud, Clayton Kershaw, currently ranked third to Chad Billingsley and Hiroki Kuroda, respectively, as a favorite to start our opening day. The 20 year old pitcher faces quite a reputation to live up to, being compared to the great Sandy Koufax. Word on the field is that Kershaw left last season with a 4.25 ERA, going 5-5 in 21 MLB starts, and means business in blowing that out of the water this year.

With a lot of changes going on in the Dodger dugout, I'm just looking forward to hitting the desert in a couple of weeks to see how this team faces its opponents.

I'd say we're hit or miss. What do you think?

Dodgers Intrasquad game...starting now!

Team Koufax

Furcal, SS

Martin, DH

Loney, 1B

Ethier, RF

DeWitt, 2B

Young, LF

Repko, CF

Maza, 3B

Ellis, C

Pitchers: Schmidt, Threets, Elbert, Castillo, Garate

Team Drysdale

Pierre, LF

Loretta, 2B

Blake, 3B

Kemp, CF

Ausmus, C

Hu, DH

Pascucci, 1B

Paul, RF

Abreu, SS

Pitchers: Broxton, Miller, Orenduff, Leach, Meque

GO DODGERS! Wait.......huh?

I'd put my money on Team Koufax. How about you??

The Rangers are now Renny-less.

(image via the New York Post)

After struggling to win only 2 of their last 12 games, New York Rangers General Manager, Glen Sather, has let head coach Tom Renny, and assistant Perry Pearn, loose. No replacement has been made for either position, but we'll certainly see something happen before the team plays on Wednesday in Toronto.

Who do you think should replace Renney and company?

Photo day images are up!

(photo by Nick Laham/Getty images)

Photos of the Seattle Mariners, Colorado Rockies, Pittsburgh Pirates, Boston Red Sox, Cleveland Indians, Florida Marlins, Toronto Blue Jays, Oakland Athletics, Minnesota Twins, Arizona Diamondbacks, Atlanta Braves, and the New York Mets have made their way to the internets. You can view the full gallery here.