Thursday, August 13, 2009

Kane is a cheap skate. Pun intended.

This just cracks me up. First off, does that kid look like he could hurt anyone? Second, you would think that 20 cents wouldn't matter to someone playing in the NHL.

Apparently, I am wrong on all fronts.

Chicago Blackhawks player Patrick Kane is being tried before a New York grand jury for allegedly beating the crap out of a 62 year old taxi driver for not having proper change for him and his buddy in Buffalo this week. Kane pleaded not guilty to charges of robbery and some other charges.

Can we say a-hole? I know hockey players are supposed to be agressive, but this is a bit much.

NCAAF...dominating my headlines?

Now, I'm a woman. I like sports. You could even say that I love them.

But does anyone watch female sports? Let alone college female sports?

The only female sport I can own up to watching is curling during the winter olympics. Occasionally a game of womens hockey if I happen to be at my dad's house and it's on. He likes to make fun of the scandinavian last names. Total jerk, right?

I had to get it from somewhere.

Vick is high like an eagle.

Convicted dog killer/NFL quarterback Michael Vick has reportedly just signed a deal with the Philadelphia Eagles for the 2009 season. Vick's agent, Joe Segal, gave word that both sides had come to an agreement, and Vick will be hitting the showers shortly.

Just keep him away from the mascots.

Vick is slated to head up against Tom Brady's new bionic leg and the New England Patriots in the first exhibition game of the season. That one should be interesting. Robot versus Animal Killer.

I like baseball better.

Another reason that Shane Victorino is a pansy.

Philadelphia Phillies Shane Victorino center fielder can't take the heat. Or the pint. Victorino file a police report after having some beer dumped on him in a successful attempt at catching a long fly ball at Wrigley Field this week.

Of course, the Chicago Cubs chairman, manager and general manager all ran quickly to apologize for the incident (like they had any control over it).

"It's part of the game. It's one of those things that happens and I just want to make sure that guy gets what's due," Shane says of the incident.

If it's part of the game, why did you file a police report? Huh, huh?

Dick. I thought it was funny.

Check out the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4eDJs1nrNw

UPDATE: The alleged beer thrower is facing two charges: battery and illegal conduct within a sports facility.

Soccer hooligans, be warned. Wrigley Field is not a safe place.

Suspended...for a long ass time!

Cleveland Browns receiver Donte' Stallworth was slapped with a full season suspension today on top of the 24 days he'll spend getting bent over in jail for killing a crane operator in Miami while drunk driving this past March. That's going to cost him...a lot.

Drinking and driving is stupid. Don't do it.

I've really got nothing else to say about that.

Youk out five games

The Boston Red Sox corner baseman Kevin Youkilis was suspended for five games starting Wednesday for charging the mound and tackling Detroit pitcher Rick Porcello for allegedly hitting him the face with a ball.

Benches cleared to break up the fight before Popeye managed to throw any punches. Both players were ejected from the game and put on suspension.

Baseball is getting rowdy! Loves it!

UPDATE: check out the video below! the quality blows, and youtube will probably take it down soon, so get on it!



Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Oh, Rick...

I didn't really want to get down with this story because it bums me out to see my beloved Louisville Cardinals head coach caught in some crazy scandal with some crazy woman, but I feel the need to share the news that even had Howard Stern talking this morning.

To make a long story short, Rick knocked up some lady in a restaurant, she got $3,000 out of him for an abortion, later married his equipment coach, they proceeded to try and extort upwards of $10 million out of the Pitinos, and has now been indicted for all sorts of crap.

Now, I give it up to Rick for coming clean, but that should have never happened in the first place. Cheating sucks, man! A cheater never wins.

T.O. Show...blows


PLEASE, please, please tell me that someone has watched this show. Honestly, I have not. Why would I? Well, I think I've seen enough considering he's flashing his bare naked bod as the publicity image for the reality monster. That, and I've seen the previews.

Cheese? Scripted much? And who are the two chicks who seem to run his life and tempt him to be naughty by leaving half naked aspiring models on his couch? I am so confused! Someone fill me in. Seriously.

The Giant Panda...turned pansy?

(image courtesy of the Associated Press 8/12/09)

Todays game between the Los Angeles Dodgers and the San Francisco Giants couldn't have been more reminiscent of a 1980s daytime soap opera. Managers were getting tossed, the benches cleared, players' tempers flared galore, and teams ran out of position players.

The spotlight should have been on the young lord of the bullpen, Tim Linsecum. At the start of today's game, the freak owns up to a 2.20 ERA and 198 strikeouts. I'm sure he looks even better [on paper] now.

Let's go two innings of a 0-0 standoff when Giants manager Bruce Bochy starts talking mad verb regarding an unsuccessful pickoff of The Great [and sometimes overrated] Manny Ramirez to get himself ejected from the game by the first base umpire.

Three innings later, Pablo Sandoval gets knicked by a pitch from Dodgers relieving pitcher James McDonald, and starts antagonizing and pointing fingers at the young pitcher. Words exchange between Sandoval and Dodgers catcher Russell Martin, and next thing you know, the benches are clearing. Unfortunately, no blood was shed, and everyone returned to their seats and bases.

Sandoval later walked his bitchy ass to first base to "calm down." Those were his words. No lie.

Play ball. Now Giants bench coach/acting manager Ron Wotus is ejected for talking some unnecessary guff.

The Giants busted our balls enough to score 2 runs in the 5th, forcing us to bust out all the stops, and every pitcher in our bullpen. As Linsecum continued to bend our bullpen over, we started puppeteering our players all over the field, having relieving catcher Sexy Brad Ausmus at home, moving Martin to 3rd base. There were other moves, but that one was most notable as Torre quickly realized there was no one else to play with.

We managed to score a run off the freak boy in the sixth, and another in the 9th, in an attempt to save our asses. It was only then that Linsecum was denied his 5th complete game, and pulled from the mound.

I really thought we had it there as we went into extra innings, but I was sorely mistaken.

The Dodgers went down 4-2 in the 10th by a 2 run walk off homer by Juan Uribe.

As disappointing as the loss is, that was one of the best displays of great baseball rivalry that I have ever seen.

Kudos, gentlemen!




ANDDDD...we're back!

I apologize for the long lull in keeping you in stitches. I was put on administrative leave. Or something like that.

More importantly, we're back on, and better than ever.

MLB playoffs are less than fifty games away, and our Dodgers are looking mighty fine in the NL West!

We couldn't be more thrilled to participate in such a season!

So, without further adieu, on with the show....